Too many heads in the Himalayan clouds - Chris Waters

Swann continued: “Well, no one said Test cricket was easy, did they? One thing for me that I found amazing was just how much it meant to Tom and ‘Bash’ when they took their wickets. They were really fired up as well.”

“Aw, look… this is the most exciting time of your career, and you should want to celebrate every wicket, and you should want to have as much fun as you can with your team-mates,” added Patel, beaming with pride.

“Well, two days out the way, how are we winning this game?” added Swann. “Where are we going to pull it out the bag?

“Obviously, first thing is, let’s get these (last) two wickets in the morning and set up some partnerships,” said Patel, adding: “It’s exciting, it’s an opportunity for someone or a few guys to rack up some big runs at the end of this game.”

“‘Jeets’, thanks for joining us.”

Interview concluded, and with both men sporting broad smiles as they turned back to camera, it seemed that a double-take of the scorecard was necessary.

That’s strange...

As thought, it relayed the somewhat dispiriting news that India were all of 255 runs ahead on first innings, their score at close of play on day two of the fifth and final Test in Dharamsala standing at 473-8 in reply to England’s 218.

To put that into perspective, seeing as TNT Sports didn’t, only three times in the 147-year of Test cricket (a period spanning over 2,500 games) has a side overcome a larger first innings deficit to win, with India still having power to add with those two wickets left.

Australia beat Sri Lanka in Colombo in 1992 despite a 291-run deficit; India defeated Australia in Calcutta in 2001 despite a 274-run deficit, and England saw off Australia at Sydney in 1894 despite a 261-run deficit, the last two cases among the four instances in Test history when a team has won after following-on.

So, to Swann’s question “how are we winning this game?" (we?) the answer is simple.

They’re not. Not in a million years. Or, if they are, it would be one of the most remarkable happenings in the history of the game, not a subject for such matter-of-fact prodding.

The inability of great players to translate their greatness into a microphone is well-established; you can count them on the fingers of one hand, just as you can count on the fingers of one hand the number of cricket writers who, just because they write about cricket, could actually play cricket for England and bowl like Swann (well, the old shoulder isn’t what it was, dear...).

But the pie-in-the-sky theme is actually pertinent, for it rather sums up Bazball and the modern disease of ultra-positivity, a condition that reduces its sufferers to silliness.

Win from 255 behind with two wickets still to take? No problem! Hey, let’s hope that they get another 255 on top just to make it difficult. Then - someone pass the sick bags – “the boys will have an opportunity to do something really special”.

Granted, some may point out the not inconsiderable detail that England did hit back from 190 runs behind on first innings in the opening match of the current series to win in Hyderabad, the biggest first innings deficit overcome by a visiting side to win a Test in India.

Ollie Pope wiped that deficit off his own willow, scoring a magnificent 196.

But facing an even bigger mountain - both on the field and also in the shape of the stunning Himalayan backdrop - the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against England, and with the series standing 3-1 to India, a fitting gloss will surely be applied to a wretched winter for England in the round, starting with their dismal showing at the 50-over World Cup.

The second day in Dharamsala belonged to Shubman Gill and Rohit Sharma, both of whom made hundreds, while there were useful fifties from debutant Devdutt Padikkal and Sarfaraz Khan.

For England, spinners Shoaib Bashir (4-170 from 44 overs) and Tom Hartley (2-126 from 39) stuck at it, as did James Anderson, who took his 699th Test wicket – but not quite his 700th.

Ben Stokes took a wicket with his first ball for eight months (of course he did), but when that was the highlight of the day, there were clearly few others.

Some of the England team visited the Dalai Lama on the eve of the game and they will need to go back there again for some more divine inspiration unless, like Swann, heads are up in the Himalayan clouds.